Soul Care when the Nest is Empty

Grieving An Empty Nest

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Today I am honored to feature an interview with Edie Melson,  a prolific  author and speaker whose wealth of knowledge offers timely tips for writers. I look up to her for many reasons. Edie is a talented writer and photographer with a great sense of humor. But, most importantly, she is transparent—unafraid to admit mistakes so others can benefit. She also knows the source of wisdom: God and His Word.

Many parents of young adults have mixed thoughts as their fledglings leave the nest. For some, it's been an easy transition, but for others, like Edie, it was a challenge. Thankfully, she has found a way to make peace with her nesting status and move forward, seeing the good in allowing her offspring to soar.

Soul Care When the Nest is Empty is the fourth in her Soul Care Series. More can be found here at her website here: https://ediemelson.com/books/ Let's find out more about Edie Melson's latest publication, and the circumstances surrounding its writing.

​Edie, I know you’ve experienced the empty nest season. Please tell us a little about it . . .
 
We have three sons and our oldest decided to push me into the empty nest season the hard way. He went straight from high school graduation to Marine Corps boot camp, to two tours in Iraq as a frontline infantry marine and bomb dog handler. There was no grace period of sending him to college with weekend visits. 
 
Because I survived that, I thought the other two empty nest seasons would be a walk in the park. After all, how bad could it be after that. (Trust me, that’s never a question you want to ask.) 
 
Our middle son was so independent when he went to college, he refused monetary help and ended up living in his truck—in a fast-food parking lot for Wi-Fi access. 
 
Our youngest decided to become an adventure guide and spent many months climbing mountains around the world (including Nepal, Peru, and China). 
 
But I did survive all three—and made all the mistakes along the way.

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God is faithful. When He  removes something, He fills the spot with something  else. I’ve seen again how all of God’s gifts work together  to bring us closer to Him.  -Edie Melson: Soul Care When the Nest is Empty

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Parenting is a Challenge

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​You brought it up. What were some of the mistakes you made and how can we avoid them?
 
I think the biggest mistake was being too hard on myself. I thought if I was a better mom, better Christian, stronger person, I’d not be such an emotional wreck. Judging yourself like that is never a healthy thing. Emotions aren’t good or bad, they just are. It’s how we deal with them that can be a problem. 
 
At first, I tried denial. Then I moved on to anger at myself. Finally, I retreated. None of these is healthy. 
 
I also judged my process by looking at other people. None of us is given the same path to walk in this life. And the majority ofwhat each of us experiences in under the water—like an iceberg. We just can’t know how things are for others just by looking from the outside.

Empty Nest Struggles & Solutions

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​So what should we do when we struggle with this season?
 
Take everything to God. I know that’s a pat answer, but it’s true. So often we think God is judging us and that we somehow musthave it together—at least a little bit—before we approach Him. I also made the mistake of thinking that because God knows everything—the beginning from the end—that He’d think my struggles were useless and meaningless. But the truth is—God does care. 
 
When I was wrestling with this, God reminded me of the tears Jesus shed while He was here on earth. And God reminded me that He experienced the ultimate empty nest when God sent His only Son out of Heaven and down to earth as a sacrifice for us. I quit avoiding God after that morning prayer time.

Parents face their own sunsets. But we need to  hold tight to the truth that sunset is just a precursor to  a beautiful sunrise—the next step in parenting and that  step will bring beauty in ways we have yet to experience. —Edie Melson: Soul Care When the Nest is Empty

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Releasing Fear with Prayer

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​What other things have you found helpful to work through all the emotions of this empty nest season? Can you share some from your book?
 
I think one of the biggest things is to give ourselves time to grieve the changes. Yes, it’s an exciting time for our kids, but it’s also challenging. And this time is an ending as well as a beginning. It’s hard to move forward without processing that end. 
 
In the book, I break down some of the big things into chapters. Things like Fear, Sadness, Joy, Changes, and New Possibilities. Each of these chapters has five devotions, five prayers, and five creative exercises. 
 
In chapter one, Releasing Fear, I talk about how I learned to trust the roots God had used me to help nurture in our kids. We can trust those roots to keep our kids anchored when they’re out in the world. To go along with that thought, I shared my Five-Fingered Prayer. I ask those reading the book to draw an outline of a hand, and label each finger with a specific type of prayer prompt:
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Pointer Finger: Priority
Middle Finger: Discovery
Ring Finger: Remembrance
Little Finger: Peace
Thumb: Foundation
 
When you begin to pray, make a fist from your own hand. Beginning with your thumb, release each digit and say a prayer using that specific prompt. When you’re done with each finger, you’re left with an open hand, symbolizing you’re releasing your child into God’s care.

We Can Trust God!

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Any last words you want to share with us?

Give yourself grace. Each of us deal with this season differently. Beyond that, we deal with the empty nest of each child differently. Stay anchored to God. We can trust that He will bless us and our kids with exceeding abundance, often in ways and at times when we least expect it. I encourage us all to stop waiting to be ambushed by blessings and instead adopt an expectant attitude—looking for all God has for us.

Thanks so much, Edie, for your wise words that encourage us to “stay anchored.” Below is the cover copy of this hopeful and insightful book:

​Back Cover Copy:

The Empty Nest experience varies widely from person to person
and even child to child.

Some parents cry and others celebrate. You may face crazy emotions—good and bad, happy and sad, and everything in between. None of these emotions are wrong.

Edie Melson shows you how to turn to God for help. He may not provide the answer to why, but he always walks through the valleys with you, and he orchestrates everything our kids need.

Reconnect with God using your tactile creativity.

Discover your Soul Care solutions using devotions and prayers and opportunities for creative expression.

Warning! This book may become dog-eared and stained. Draw in it. Experiment with your creative passions. Learn the healing power of play. Allow God’s power to flow through creativity. Soul Care When the Nest is Empty will become your heart treasure.

Edie Melson has walked through the empty nest season several times and in several ways—from sending a son off to war at 18, to sending another off on a round-the-world mountain climbing trek. With each situation she’s been quick to share how God is faithful in all ways and at all times.
 
Edie uses the truths God has taught her as a mother, wife, photographer, and author to encourage others. She’s learned to embrace the ultimate contradiction of being an organized creative. As an author, blogger, and speaker she’s empoweredand challenged audiences across the country and around the world. Her numerous books reflect her passion to help others call on God’s strength during challenging times, often using creativity to empower this connection. She also knows the necessity of Soul Care and leads retreats, conferences, and workshops around the world on ways to use creativity to help strengthen our connection with God. 
 
She and husband Kirk have been married 42+ years with three grown sons and three grandchildren. They live in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains and can often be found with their big black dog hiking the mountains. Connect with her at ediemelson.com and through social media. 

Does your home seem void of joy because you are facing an empty nest? Have your young adults left the nest sooner than expected? What part is the most difficult for you? Let me know in the comments below!